Easter Reflections/Ramblings

I welcome these moments of silences, but at the same time they make me hesitate. These are the instances wherein I end up in a reflective mood and at times the results just scare me.

It's the mid-morning of Easter Sunday as I write this. The neighbors are having a Sunday karaoke fun day right now as I type these in a semi-sweaty topless state.
Now that I have that out there, I'm kind of looking back at who I have become. I really don't have any accomplishments to my name. I'm no academic power house who gobbled up as many medals and achievements as humanly possible. I don't think I've ever really pushed myself to anything other than mediocrity in general. But at the same time, I don't really have any regrets with my academic life.

The thing is, with the way I've lived m life so far,what sort of influence have I been to the people I've encountered? I mean seriously, look at Jesus. Whether or not you believe him to be the savior of mankind or the only begotten son of God, the mere fact that the concept of him has influenced mankind of centuries is a testament on his impact to the world. To quote Jesus Christ Superstar: "Did you mean to die like that? Was that a mistake or did you know you messy death could be a record breaker?"
Here's one of my problems I guess. A thousand plans sometimes fly in my head and I never really dedicate my time to pursue something to the end. I'm pretty sure that's even hurt or disappointed a couple of people in my life, but I just carry on.  Hell, I don't know. Maybe I just need to do something about solidifying my long term goals in life. It sounds cliched but I really do want to somehow make a difference. I could probably just start small and go volunteer somewhere. I've had my eye on helping out at a specific advocacy for a few years now. The question there is, what can I contribute to such a group? The only way to find out is to take that leap of faith. However, can I really take that leap?

A fortress of me

Soon I will have my own fortress of solitude. What images shall dance upon the walls? Will it be a welcoming light to my brethren or will it be a mere den of banal carnality in the shadows?

Will four years of blood money be worth the cost?

Lethargic summer heat
Embrace me in your smooth caress
milk me of my very being

Tell me again

When age is but a number
When a thousand words are compressed in the slight curve of your mouth
When the sight of you makes all else cease to exist
But that all fades with one small action

And there it rises again
In the cold dank night of our solitude
Hands clasped to the side
Heat emanating from a thousand miles of cables

Welcome home to the world you once left behind
A biosphere of hungry eyes and starving mouths
This confinement is unbearable

Find your escape and sin again
Find that release that has been chained
Keep them all at bay by a strand of light

So tell me again
When I am but a mere particle to be crushed for science
When the world burns, would you still dance with me?
Or would you push me back home to that world I'd rather leave behind?